Messages

46

Way of the Game / Re: Reccomend a terrible game.

« on: August 27, 2010, 11:03:14 PM »

I have a little bit of time off coming up in a couple days, so now is the perfect time to sit down and immerse myself in something terrible.

Games are meant to be enjoyed. You are quite literally doing it wrong.

As long as you're committed to having a shitty time, you may as well play Kane & Lynch 2; it's a short, terrible game flaunting a novel aesthetic that (to my knowledge) has no equal in the medium.

Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days is basically the Schindler's List of video games; the creators subject you to an experience you are not meant to enjoy.

The idea is to increase the amount of enjoyment available to me in the long run.  Think of it as an investment.  I invest time and a small amount of money into something I expect to hate, and do my best to prove myself wrong.  It's worked before, on multiple occasions.  In this specific instance, the idea is to learn to like an entire Genre I dislike, rather than expose myself to a terrible example of an otherwise acceptable Genre.
In short:  You, sir, are doing it wrong, by virtue of missing the point entirely and trying to tell me how to go about gaming.

Besides, terrible things can be fun too.  It gives me more to hate, and I love hate.

47

Way of the Game / Re: Reccomend a terrible game.

« on: August 27, 2010, 10:42:44 PM »

Realism is just ... annoying.  And a lie.  The vast majority of 'realistic' games are anything but, and they mostly all aspire to the same concept of 'realism.'  Everyone's heard the 'real is brown, dur hur hur' jokes, and rolls their eyes at them now, but they're still basically true.  They tend to be visually boring.  And while I'm not overly obsessed with graphics, I do place a pretty high value on art design.  A game that's visually interesting, yet has terrible polygon counts sits head and shoulders above a game that has high end grahpics with fifty bajillion polygons per square nanometer at a resolution of 26,000,000x23,000,000, running at ten thousand FPS, all dedicated to rending ... a hallway.  With soldier guys.

 The vast majority of 'realistic' games still have you essentially playing superheroes with guns who can take a ridiculous amount of punishment (certainly far more than the human body can generally withstand, weird freak occurences notwithstanding) without missing a beat.

One of the things I really love about older games is the sheer amount of creativity in concepts they came up with, to make up for the fact that if they tried to pass this off as realistic, they'd get mocked straight to hell.  So instead of shooting up terrorists, you shot up alien hordes with your buddy after you did the 30 lives code, because hell if I'm trying this with just four.  Or a plumber (whose outfit was the result of technical limitations) jumping on walking mushrooms, eating mushrooms to get bigger, to save his princess from a giant Kappa.   ... That's ridiculous.  It's also cool.

'Realism' is a shackle.  Games like Good ol' Ratchet and Clank, that throw realism completely out the window in favor of entertainment, are just more ... entertaining.  If you don't try to make something realistic in the first place, you don't have to go through hoops to justify something that's just there to be fun.  Rocket skateboard races across absurd landscapes sound like a good idea?  Bam, something you need is at the rocket skateboard tournament, somewhere that probably doesn't make sense to have a tournament.  But makes for cool backdrop, so there you go.

I also like all the pretty colors.  So pretty...

Now, about the camera:  I cannot tell you how many times not having a decent view of myself and the area i'm immediately standing on has screwed me over in my FPS experience.  Something hits me from immediately at my side, where by all rights I should have seen it, but can't, due to the fact that I practically have blinders on.  Or, whoops, I run right off a ledge I'm trying to jump from, or miss a jump because I jumped too early, because I can't watch where I'm going and see just how close to the edge I actually am.  Or, oh goody, that water's electrified and I just dropped into it because I was closer to the edge than I thought, because again, I can't watch my feet and my surroundings at the same time.

It's also just plain less immersive.  I can't see who I am.  I can't see what I'm doing or how I'm doing it.  It's harder to get into the game, harder to care about what's going on.  On top of all my reasons with some degree of basis in facts, there's also the soft and squishy: I just want to see my damn character.  I like seeing my damn character.

48

Way of the Game / Re: Reccomend a terrible game.

« on: August 27, 2010, 04:49:25 PM »

But I really like shooting the shit out of things!  I just can't seem to find a game (aside from Portal and Metroid Prime) that's good enough to overcome the stupid camera.

And yeah, sounds like ARMA (whatever that is? Amazingly Randy Monkey Armada?) wouldn't suit me.  Even in genres I like, I do not like realism.  Realism is the bane of video games.  I was going to say more, but apparently we're late to leave for Pathfinder, so I'll probably edit this later, unless I forget what I was going to say.

49

Way of the Game / Re: Reccomend a terrible game.

« on: August 27, 2010, 12:00:01 PM »

Yeah ... the multiplayer focus is one of my major (fixable) gripe with the Genre.  I just really don't like multiplayer.  Hell, even in an MMO, I spend 90% of my time on my own.  Probably why I was always such a JRPG fan.  All about the exemplary single-player experience.

Still, I keep trying.  If I ever manage learn to like the Genre, there'll be a whole slew of free-to-cheap games at my fingertips.  And being able to enjoy more stuff is always good.

I've seen a series manage to come back from destroying itself with multiplayer, so maybe someday an entire Genre will manage to do the same.  It'd be a hell of a comeback.

I suppose it would help to point out where I've been:

Portal (whee!)
About two hours of Half-Life 2 (Painful)
Metroid: Prime series (Fun. Ehh.... BOOO!!)
Goldeneye (What the hell was WRONG with people?)
Doom 3 (From Meh to horribleific)
Halo (Words cannot descibe the apathy...)
Bioshock (Mediocre gameplay, meet weak story.  Weak story, meet decent environments.  Decent environments, say hello to unlikeable characters.  Unlikeable characters, say hello to hideous deformed monster children.  Hideous deformed monster children, meet your de-monstrified .... hey, wait!  Stop crying!  Come back!  Your normal body isn't that ugly!  ... Oh, who am I kidding... yes it is.)
Steel Battalion (So goddamn much fun.  So goddamn much money.)
Alien Trilogy (Oh god.  Oh my god.  Imagine, if you will, a console FPS where you can't look up or down.  Before analog sticks.  Full of face-huggers.  You know, on the ground.  Where you can't aim.  And aliens.  On the ceiling.  Where you can't aim.  ... THAT'S THE GOOD PART)

Scott:  No, seriously, Gears of War isn't an FPS.  I see that dude, right there.  Mark or something.  He's at the bottom of the screen, shuffling along like an oversized zombie with a gun, getting into anticlimactic boss fights, engaging in poorly-written, terribly-acted dialogue, shuffling through poorly laid-out stages, shooting a slew of blandly generic evil things and carrying THE COOLEST GODDAMN WEAPON EVER.  Jesus tapdancing Christ, more games need guns with chainsaw bayonets.  Seriously.  Preferably a good one for a change.

50

Way of the Game / Re: Reccomend a terrible game.

« on: August 27, 2010, 10:22:07 AM »

A. Gears of War isn't an FPS.
B.  It's a terrible game.  Which pissed me off more than usual, because I'd really looked forward to getting to play it once I got a 360.
C.  You're a horrible person for suggesting something like that.  I hope you spontaneously combust.

51

Way of the Game / Reccomend a terrible game.

« on: August 27, 2010, 10:06:46 AM »

So, Alex's comment in the latest episode thread, regarding playing ODST and telling them why they're wrong when the Three-way comes out, got me to thinking:  It's been about a year now since I played Bioshock.  That means it's time for me to put myself through my annual attempt to learn to like a Genre I hate.  For the last few years, it's been FPSes, because, frankly, I'm down to just Sports games, Racing games, and FPSes, and of the three, FPSes are the ones that I have the fewest fundamental issues with.  Namely, the goddamn camera.  My other issues can actually be addressed without changing the genre, that one, obviously, can't.

So, what's the least shitty console FPS on the market at the moment?  Why console?  Because I'm not buying something I probably won't like, and past experience has shown that I frankly don't get any more or less enjoyment out of this craptastic genre if I have a keyboard/mouse combo or a controller in my hand.  I have a little bit of time off coming up in a couple days, so now is the perfect time to sit down and immerse myself in something terrible.

Criteria: 

1. As mentioned, it has to be a console FPS. 
2. It has to be fairly recent.
3. Don't base your reccomendation on multiplayer.  Coop or competitive, doesn't matter.
4. Preferably, it should not suck.  I realize that's asking a lot in this Genre, since I've already played Portal, Steel Battalion, and Metroid: Prime, but do your best anyway.
Edit:
5.  Sell me on your terrible suggestions.  Why should I listen to your stupid idea over someone else's?
6. I'm going to insult you.  Suck it up. 

52

Way of the Game / Re: Game Whore 35: Ridiculous News Stories

« on: August 26, 2010, 09:57:23 AM »

Hmmm... you probably won't be happy about us doing more about Ex Illis in the near future, then...

Hey, I put up with E3 talk, I can put up with this.  And it's certainly possible that it's not as incredibly stupid as it sounds.  At the very least, I'll have more to point and laugh at, and that's always fun.

53

Way of the Game / Re: Game Whore 35: Ridiculous News Stories

« on: August 26, 2010, 08:15:31 AM »

Wheee, double posting!

After listening again at work last night, I do have a few more comments I'd almost forgotten about:  Alex, if you haven't already done the three-way, aren't planning it in the next few days, and want someone that'll probably give you some negative backup against the fanboy mob, let me know and I'll see if I can track ODST down somewhere to rent it (and get a mic, and Skype ... see how much I love you guys? the sound of my own voice? attention?). I can generally knock games out pretty quick when I put the Netflix aside and make an effort to focus on one game instead of eight.  Besides, FPSes are ridiculously easy.

Holding games for yourself:  Hardly unethical.  They're still getting paid for.  What does it matter if the customer in question works there or not?  If you feel that bad about it, just forgo the employee discount, and it's exactly the same as if a normal customer bought it.

Ex Illis:  That sounds really, really stupid.  Really.  Stupid.  Like, 'offering to play a game you probably won't like just so you can get some brief internet attention' stupid.   ... wait ... NEXT TOPIC!

I've bet money on video games before.  Back when Arcades were still clinging to life, it was not uncommon for someone to throw down a few bucks on a particularly trash-talky match of MK2 or Killer Instinct (there were never any Street Fighter machines around here.  How shitty is that?), and it generally served pretty well to heighten the excitement of the spectators.  Or in my case, I'd jump straight to the betting with people who didn't know me on Killer Instinct, because I only had 2 bucks to work with and it was an easy way to keep the quarters coming.

Fish Tacos ... was that supposed to sound like a euphemism?  Because that's certainly how I heard it.

54

Way of the Game / Re: Game Whore 35: Ridiculous News Stories

« on: August 26, 2010, 05:42:47 AM »

Oh man.  See, the trouble with Devil May Cry is this:  All three games have steadily improved pretty significantly over one another in various ways.  Why would this be a problem?  Because if you don't start with the first, everything before it is going to kind of suck.  But they're in anachronic order:  3, then 1, then 4, and there are rumors that they had originally planned to place 2 at the end, but it never came to be.  Silly as they get, there is actual continuity between them.  It's not overly important to understanding what's going on (ass-kicking, that's what's going on), but it adds to the experience.

Meanwhile, the difficulty curve between games is really wobbly ... the fourth game is (in my arrogant opinion) the easiest of the bunch, then the first, and the third is a bitch and a half.  So, whee, abrupt difficulty changes, kind of off-putting if you haven't been waiting years between games.

In the end though, find the first game.  Play it.  Cringe at some of the hoorrriibbly cheesy dialogue and hammy acting.  Enjoy it, despite the control scheme's best efforts to thwart you.  I don't know what it is about older PS2, earlier PS1 games, but developers really seemed to think that you should have to fight the controls as much as your enemies.  They learned better for the rest of the series.  And remember:  The Grenade gun is your best friend, as long as you remember this simple piece of advice: Shoot, roll, shoot, roll.  Trust me, you'll thank me.

55

Way of the Game / Re: Game Whore 35: Ridiculous News Stories

« on: August 25, 2010, 03:09:47 PM »

Fair enough.  On the off chance you ever give it a look though, just remember:  Devil May Cry 2 is a vicious lie.  There was no such thing, and any people or retailers that try to claim otherwise are horrible people that need to be punched in the face.

56

Way of the Game / Game Whore 35: Ridiculous News Stories

« on: August 25, 2010, 06:29:09 AM »

Still listening, just got to the bit about Bayonetta and DMC.  ... I'm confused.  I had been under the impression that it was the DMC-style gamplay that didn't interest Jonathan.  And, well ... I stand by Bayonetta being a big silly love letter to DMC.  So, games that don't take themselves seriously interest you, eh?  

Hmm... then I would like to reccomend another action game I'm very fond of that doesn't take itself the slightest bit seriously.  You may have heard of it, it got started back in the PS2 era.  It's called Devil May Cry.  All three games in the series are pretty high on the ridiculousity.  Especially the main character.  It features such ludicriousness as absurd action-movie one-liners ("Flock off, feather face!), come-ons responded to with bullets in the face, the Joker, flamenco dancing?, rocket-surfing, the wielding of motorcycles as melee weapons, and flat-out ridiculous (awesome ridiculous and hilarious ridiculous, sometimes at the same time!) action sequences.


Since I'm not braving the Voice Mail again, if I ever come up again, I'm Ozz-hray Vepp.

I'm betting RMT activity means Real Money Trade.  Oh, Alex got it.  I'm right! Never mind.

57

Way of the Game / Re: WotG Ep 34

« on: August 20, 2010, 04:08:35 AM »

I, in General, get irritated when things get high marks purely on the strength of multiplayer.  Listen, jackasses, rate the games based on the actual game.  Unless all there is is multiplayer, and frankly, that should be a mark against it.  You can't trust multiplayer as an indicator of anything.  Multiplayer quality depends entirely on the quality of the players.  Which the publishers and developers don't exactly have any control over, and therefore shouldn't be lauded for.

There are exceptions, pretty strictly multiplayer games, but even then, I'd hold that against them were I a reviewer.  A good game should be good whether you're alone or with other people.

58

Way of the Game / Re: WotG Ep 34

« on: August 19, 2010, 05:15:35 PM »

Well ... there you go.  Most of what I have to say is said there, really.  The only things I have to add that haven't already been detailed are pretty dull:  I hate Halo more than most FPSes, a genre upon which I heap plenty of hate already.  More because of the fans than the game itself, of which I've only played the first, and found to be a fairly bland example of the Genre. And I've never played or intend to play Deus Ex, so it won't end up on my top 10.

You remember those words the next time you do a show with listener input because I won't be there to bail you out 

That's what I'm here for.  Eeeeven though they refuse to acknowledge my contributions.  They will continue to get them!  They'll just get more vulgar and insistent.

59

Way of the Game / Re: WOTG Ep 33 - Brad is awesome

« on: August 08, 2010, 11:21:08 PM »

Here, I'll make it easy for you:  From now on, if I respond to anything via your answering machine, I'll start four threads, send you six PMs, and email you once an hour until it's been confirmed that you received my message, so that I am not slighted as I was here.  *sniffle*  I'm awesome too, damn it!

60

Way of the Game / Re: WOTG Ep 33 - Brad is awesome

« on: August 08, 2010, 12:31:55 PM »

Amen to that.  I don't do so bad when there's someone else there listening, but just talking to nothing?  Can't do it.

Then again, the other problem is lack of editability.  That sentence used to read "I don't so bad when someone else listening" ....  out loud, I'm kind of stuck with what comes out of my mouth, and that's never a good thing.